The Loop of External Validation and Internal Expectation

Most of us spend countless hours stewing over our interactions with people hoping we didnt sound stupid or hoping we didnt offend anybody. We leave so much of ourself unsaid, so as to not seem silly or irrelevant. These words and feelings swirling around alive in our body with no place to be free. We spend heaps of our money making ourselves fit in. Getting the right look, the right hair, the right dress, the right shoes, the right colour skin.

We have been conditioned to look outside of ourselves for answers. We are taught at school to shut up, sit down and listen to a teacher whom we typically don’t respect nor do we feel inspired by. Our creative expression forgotten. Our innate curiosity squashed. Our connection with our body cut off from the neck. We are asked to be better behaved, better dressed, better liked, better skilled and to know more than we want to know about algebra and fucking Shakespeare.

The curse with all of this conditioning is that The more we look outside for validation, for high marks, for jobs that pay well and skin that holds our age better than our same aged counterparts, then the more intense the internal expectation of ourselves grows. This is a curse, because its an unwinnable loop. We will never achieve perfection. There is always something else that we could be doing BETTER!

The saddest part about this curse is that We deny ourselves of fun, we sacrifice our relationships that mean everything to us so we can keep climbing the invisible ladder of success, it’s not even our ladder. We didnt even want it in the first place, and we are only on it so we can be loved, accepted and to fit in.

Everything that provides us with the deep nourished fulfilment is standing right in front of you. When we are busting our breasts off to make sure we appear to have it all together, there is a price to pay. That price is usually all that we take for granted, we take our dearest loved ones for granted, our health, the people and the things that stick by us through it all, we think it will be better with them when we reach a certain milestone, but we miss out on enjoying them now.

Meanwhile, when you have returned home to self and you are no longer looking outside of yourself you realise, you don’t have to wait until you achieve X to be happy tomorrow, you have everything today, it is beautiful today. You have so much more than what you give yourself credit for today. There is enough fulfilment in your life right now to last a lot of people a lifetime. Take a look around, be here in the beauty of your life right now. Look into the eyes of your dearest lovely ones. feel their presence, have a laugh, sing with the birds, feel the wind on your skin, hold hands, wrap your arms around someone, stroke someone’s face, sit with your grandmother, enjoy a baby’s hand wrapping around your finger, feel a loyal dog by your heels. This is life fulfilment. If you have ever experienced one of these things you are rich. These experiences bring us back home.

Lets glorify our life experiences that really fulfil us, come back to what it is that really makes us feel in our body and makes our soul fulfilled.

Sitting quietly with yourself write down all the life experiences you desire, that make you melt, that light you up. things that for no good reason you want to do. You know, those small moments in your life that bring you the truest joy.

For me there is nothing richer than setting off on an adventure with loved ones, going to a new destination, packing the car, planning where we will go and being in the experience that gives me all the memories love bombed into my heart for a lifetime.

I love hanging out with people that reciprocate the love that I have for them.

I come home when I stroke my hand over my child’s face and tell them how much I love them.

I come home when I am in service to my children’s loves in their life, like watching them play sport, or helping them travel or giving them the tools to be creative.

I come home to me, when I create and belong in community.

I come home to my flow when I work experientially with my clients and have open ended conversations.

I feel connected at home when I’m hugging my husband.

How can you honour this for yourself now? and it doesn’t mean that you have to sacrifice all of this to earn all of this.


You can live this each day, let life’s fulfilments lead your way, let it decide how you fill your days. Place more emphasis on these experiences and you will be happy.

If you would like to hear more on this topic and how to harness it in your everyday life then please come into my Facebook group (women only) where I will be going LIVE on Friday 28th at 6:30pm AEST to run a whole masterclass on this topic as part of my ‘returning home to self’ program.


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