Is everything really your fault? of course you know it's not, but why does it feel so darn hard when things don't go your way, and it feels like they're never moving in your favour.
I know it feels really shit. Like you scooped the boobie prize in life. You're left feeling helpless and hopeless.
If you're trying so hard at life, you're doing it wrong!
You're seeking in all the wrong places, and every time you peel yourself off the couch and splash a bit of water on your face, ready to muster up the energy to look life square in the face and fight again. You're doing it wrong!
We're not here to fight against life. Life is actually here for us. If you feel like you're fighting against life, just know you're fighting with yourself. Life is to be experienced. Life moves through you. You are life.
Sit back and soak in. Listen. You can feel and hear life as your breathe moving through you right now. Be in awe of the colours of the sky right now, whether dark and grey, or peach and cream. Now lets go a little deeper. What are you carrying in your body? What emotion are you feeling? How does that sensation move in your body. Awareness without meaning. Can you be with just awareness, like watching a tv show of you experiencing life, for your own entertainment? Notice your thoughts, look at those crazy thoughts, heheheh, can you smile at your thoughts? You know these thoughts are not you. You are the universe. A tiny reflection of the limitless universe.
I hear you tense up your muscles and sit back up wanting to fight me back. As you have become so accustomed at doing, wearing yourself out. Well, how does this help me find a life partner. Find my passion? Reduce my pain? All of these things that you have wanted for so long, has felt hard, right? Cos you have worked so much on it, digging away at your self esteem, and this is why. this is why you cant have it, cos you want it so bad. Your heart has become tight, hard, rigid. How can anything enter in, when you live this way?
Put down the stories you've been told to hustle and work hard. Lay it all down. Rest. it's time to rest, be with what is. Can you surrender and I mean completely surrender to what is? Can you accept where you are right now? Not with the slightest pang of 'I wish it could be better'?
If you can't, then thats ok... I thought as much. :-)
Now we know where you are and where the work needs to begin. Lets start unravelling the reins around your heart.