None of us want our children to be unhappy. It’s heart breaking when we look at our little girl or boy and see their pain, to see them so stuck and so low, sucks. We can be left wondering, what happened to that bright bubbly laughing baby?
We would do anything for our children. We would die for them right?
So, when they’re hurting so bad and all you want to do is take away their pain. Maybe it seems nothing is working and they just keep getting themselves further into the hole and you’re losing sleep, have a little look at some of my pointers. These are not by any means solutions to repairing your child's mental health, but I honestly know they can offer some relief and space for your child to process and heal. These suggestions come from the work I do with family systems.
Know that their pain is not yours to hold. You can offer suggestions, you can hold them in your arms, you can give them a scalp massage, but you can’t take it away from them. Us humans are hard wired for struggle. It’s our job to provide all the love and support, not the solution. If we are constantly trying to fix them or their issue then they are not gathering the resources they need to get through this.
See them for more than their illness. If you just look at them and see their pain, you are giving all the power to the pain and our children may start to identify themselves as the pain or the illness. Your child is galaxies of fun and freedom. See them for who they really are. Remind them of their awesomeness, not so much by telling them but by creating the space for them to express it.
Your glance is important. How are you looking at your child? Try looking at her with absolute love, get rid of the fear, show her your belief in her through your glance. This is one way you can connect her to her truth. This feels safe to be around you when you’re giving off love vibes, not fear vibes. Otherwise, I might feel like I need to be somebody else, or that you are not accepting me for where I am at. I understand if your child has Suicide Ideation the fear of your child’s safety would be all consuming. However, keep your fear for your partner and therapy and Send them a LOVE glance. A ‘you’ve got this’ glance. They will pick up this energy and feed off it.
Take the focus off them. Look at your own growth and healing, because without a doubt they are unconsciously plugged into your pain too. With so much focus on their problems, it’s just making the issue bigger and they can feel once again like they are in the wrong. Mum and Dad, this is an opportunity for you to show your child how brave you can be by doing your work. The ripple effect from you looking at your own skeletons will create a more settled energy, which can heal many generations before and after you.
Lastly, from parent to parent. I know your pain. I know your worry, I know about those sleepless nights, I know the grief of that little fun loving cartwheeling girl. I see you.
Mum to three teenagers,
Lucy x