The little girl in all of us wants to be adored by our fathers, some of us felt this love when we were little and happily collected the love beams shooting out of his eyes into our hearts. This set us up for having clear boundaries and lots of self respect. We became confident women.
Some of us where not so lucky and we spent our childhood longing to be acknowledged we tallied up the memories of his absence which weakened our heart. This made us feel desperate to be seen by men, hoping each man would fulfill that empty space in our heart where Dads love is meant to be. We don’t recognise red flags or even if we do, the fear of rejection is so strong, we bite our tongue, until it’s too late.
The relationship with our Dad lays down the foundation of how future patterning will play out for us with our older relationships with men, the most vulnerable relationships being with our romantic partners. If we didn’t feel that deep connection with Dad we will spend our life chasing it, in all the wrong places.
We might become bitter about our Dad and how he is, we might reject him, or keep him at arms reach. Still this hole in our heart will keep calling out ‘Dad, please love me’.
It’s only when we turn toward Dad and look at him for all that he carries, his burdens, his relationship with his parents, his grief, his trauma, his hearts longing. It’s only then when we can look at all his sadness that we can begin to understand how he has not been able to see me, these moments in his life keeping him stuck in the past and preventing him from giving me what I crave from him.
When we look at Dad in this therapeutic space we can begin to dissolve the aliveness within us that creates these destructive patterns that fuel our fear of rejection and belief about not being good enough. This is what keeps us in our unloved child.
In therapy We can step away from our story and our feelings and see the relationship from many viewpoints, from a higher place and not from the space of a victim. We can step into our adult and begin to open our heart up to our father. To see him and acknowledge him for giving us life, life is love, and we can truly feel this love.